There and Back Again
Apr. 22nd, 2026 02:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
doniagoWhen we last left things with Nocturne, it was September and he was no longer replying to my text messages and no message I sent to him on Telegram was being double-checked. This was frustrating perhaps to the point of inflicting trauma, because I was fond of him and had no idea what was going on with him, but also because I had no idea whether I'd done something wrong. There were no indications I had, but the fact was that he'd stopped communicating with me, and that our frequency of communication had been struggling since I'd visited him, which was obviously alarming.
So, as you can readily imagine, I had no idea whether he'd be at FCL, though it seemed likely since he -lives there-, and I had no idea whether he'd want to have anything to do with me. Hell, I worried this might bleed-over into mutual associates.
It's consequently morbidly hilarious that when someone who was walking past me stopped to say hi, I absolutely failed to recognize it was him at first. Or rather, I knew it was someone familiar, but I couldn't place who it was until I saw his badge...at which point I imagine all the blood drained from my face.
He seemed happy to see me though, and continued to seem happy to see me during the con, though not necessarily, like, hugely so. He did send me an explanation on Telegram, though I'm not really sure I understood it...we unfortunately never had one-on-one time during the con, so I was never able to really talk it through with him.
The con wasn't without difficulties relating to him...at one point he had two guys cuddling with him during my party on my bed, and seemed pretty blissfully unaware that I was there. He didn't do a great job of communicating after his initial explanation, and, the worst, he said he'd come to the Shiny Pool Party I was hosting but then no-showed (arguably for good reason), which also meant that Sunday night I had the distinct sense I wouldn't even get to say goodbye to him.
On the better side, he invited me to lunch with a few friends (who it turned out I knew) before I hit the road...I hadn't really been expecting to hear from him at all, which would have sucked a lot, and while grabbing lunch alone with him would have been preferable, this was at least something.
He hasn't kept in touch with me quite every day during the con, and when he does message me it doesn't tend to be more than a message at a time, but he's managed most every day since the con. He also said before I left (though I wouldn't quite say he promised) that he wouldn't ghost me like he did ever again. He's shown some openness to seeing each other outside of a con, and perhaps even being the one to do the roadtrip instead of me visiting him, though we don't have any inklings of an actual plan right now.
So...definitely not everything I'd hope for, or even everything I necessarily deserve, but something at least. I'm still worried he'll disappear again, and I still have questions I need to ask him, but...it's something. We'll see.
I'm looking forward to going back to the Trapp Family Lodge for Birthday Shenanigans this weekend, though I wish I was anticipating cuddles with...well, anyone. Not for lack of trying, just nobody's really available. I don't even have anyone spending the night this time AFAIK. I think I might miss Ray and his boyfriend a bit, but I've barely heard from him in months, and the last time we really talked he said he'd talk with me about things with Vice, and then entirely dropped the ball on that, so I'm a little miffed with him.
So, as you can readily imagine, I had no idea whether he'd be at FCL, though it seemed likely since he -lives there-, and I had no idea whether he'd want to have anything to do with me. Hell, I worried this might bleed-over into mutual associates.
It's consequently morbidly hilarious that when someone who was walking past me stopped to say hi, I absolutely failed to recognize it was him at first. Or rather, I knew it was someone familiar, but I couldn't place who it was until I saw his badge...at which point I imagine all the blood drained from my face.
He seemed happy to see me though, and continued to seem happy to see me during the con, though not necessarily, like, hugely so. He did send me an explanation on Telegram, though I'm not really sure I understood it...we unfortunately never had one-on-one time during the con, so I was never able to really talk it through with him.
The con wasn't without difficulties relating to him...at one point he had two guys cuddling with him during my party on my bed, and seemed pretty blissfully unaware that I was there. He didn't do a great job of communicating after his initial explanation, and, the worst, he said he'd come to the Shiny Pool Party I was hosting but then no-showed (arguably for good reason), which also meant that Sunday night I had the distinct sense I wouldn't even get to say goodbye to him.
On the better side, he invited me to lunch with a few friends (who it turned out I knew) before I hit the road...I hadn't really been expecting to hear from him at all, which would have sucked a lot, and while grabbing lunch alone with him would have been preferable, this was at least something.
He hasn't kept in touch with me quite every day during the con, and when he does message me it doesn't tend to be more than a message at a time, but he's managed most every day since the con. He also said before I left (though I wouldn't quite say he promised) that he wouldn't ghost me like he did ever again. He's shown some openness to seeing each other outside of a con, and perhaps even being the one to do the roadtrip instead of me visiting him, though we don't have any inklings of an actual plan right now.
So...definitely not everything I'd hope for, or even everything I necessarily deserve, but something at least. I'm still worried he'll disappear again, and I still have questions I need to ask him, but...it's something. We'll see.
I'm looking forward to going back to the Trapp Family Lodge for Birthday Shenanigans this weekend, though I wish I was anticipating cuddles with...well, anyone. Not for lack of trying, just nobody's really available. I don't even have anyone spending the night this time AFAIK. I think I might miss Ray and his boyfriend a bit, but I've barely heard from him in months, and the last time we really talked he said he'd talk with me about things with Vice, and then entirely dropped the ball on that, so I'm a little miffed with him.
